This Blessed Restlessness

I have obsessed for so long over the enormity of the job of parenting, my inadequacy to that task, the shortcomings of my marriage, and my longings for more than this.

Like Peter, I believe that the Lord can work miracles, that He can choose to calm the storm or choose to simply carry me through it, but I get distracted by the raging storm and I begin to drown.

Then the Holy Spirit whispers in my ear, “Do you trust Me?” followed by His gentle reminder…
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

Is my anxiety evidence of my distrust? Do I know the God of all creation well enough to rest in His sovereignty moment by moment? Is it even possible to leave off our human-ness long enough to really find that elusive rest?

God alone can provide the comfort that comes in knowing that even the painful things in life can and will be used for my own good. True to His character, God plans for my life that which is better for me beyond my human understanding or imagination. But what is God’s best for me? Not a promise for health and wealth and entertainment. These are temporary diversions at most and God’s best for me may or may not include any of these things. His ultimate goal is to glorify Himself in making me Christlike, and His ultimate reward for me is Himself – the things that moth and rust cannot destroy and thief cannot steal. Indeed, the things that last forever.

Lord, grant that I might find real rest in you, moment by moment, and know in my gut that it is not up to me to make my marriage into one of Your design, make my children into godly people, make my home a place of perfect serenity and order. But if I might be a tool in your hands, Lord, work through me (and in spite of me) to accomplish these things.

And when in your plan You have ordained NOT to accomplish these things, may it be to drive each of us to the end of ourselves at the foot of the Cross, to point our gaze Heaven-ward, heightening our God-given thirst for You and for eternity with You. Remind us then in our restlessness that we are not made for the here and now, although we are temporarily and irresistibly distracted by it and bound to it. Show us our longing for Heaven where we will know You as we are known by You. Cause us to persevere through this day of battle and make us mindful of the day coming quickly on us when we will finally and joyfully bound home like school children into Your waiting arms.

Finally, Father, make me to keep a loose grip on all these lesser things so that nothing can take Your place of supremacy in my heart. In Christ, I have all I need. Make it so that You are all I want.